So on Monday I thought it was Friday, and last night as I caught Craig Ferguson on break at work, I thought – Why the hell does he have some guy dressed as a Leprechaun when St. Patrick’s Day is so far away? Once I got back to my desk I looked at the calendar and realized that it was the 17th!!!!!
I feel as though I have really lost my grasp on reality as this series continues. I think it is beyond just the story; it’s the way I write. Everything that I have written has been in the first person. When I write I go back over what I have written previously and put myself in that person’s shoes…literally. I will sit at the computer and follow their ticks, speech patterns, and movements. I will get up and walk around the house acting like them. Essentially I become them when I am writing.
With this last book, it’s been very difficult. The character has so many mental disorders and flaws that I can’t even just sit and write from beginning to end like the other three books. I find myself going back and adding more chapters, changing her speech, her actions – I’m constantly jumping from one section to another and not finishing what I started.
The scary part: I didn’t mind becoming Verloren, Ash, and Jason – but this girl… I find myself a little more angry than I was with Jason and have strange dreams, and paranoid and panicky. I’m almost ready to drop this project all together. And it is because I have decided to merge book 4 and 5 to finish this once and for all, in order to do that, really bad things have to happen that I know are not going to make being her any easier.
I’ve heard of actors getting sucked into their roles, but writers? I’m almost to the point of saying after this is done, I will not write any more.